Can the Military Really Teach Me to Fall Asleep in 2 Minutes? Let’s Find Out.
If the military has truly cracked the code on falling asleep in two minutes, then I need them to take command of my insomnia immediately. Because right now, my nighttime routine consists of staring at the ceiling, overanalyzing past conversations, and suddenly remembering that cringe-worthy thing I said in 2011. Supposedly, this technique works even in loud, stressful environments—so maybe it can handle my brain at 2 a.m. Guess there’s only one way to find out!
The Military Sleep Method: Magic or Just Really Good Relaxation?
This technique, known as the Military Sleep Method, was developed to help soldiers fall asleep fast—because in combat zones, there’s no time for tossing and turning. According to reports, with practice, 96% of people can knock out in under two minutes using this method. If that’s true, then my sleepless nights might finally have a worthy opponent.
Step-by-Step Instructions (Because Apparently, Sleep Needs a Strategy)
Here’s how the method works. If you’re like me and have tried everything to fall asleep, these steps might seem suspiciously simple—but hey, desperate times call for trying military tactics.
Step 1: Relax Your Face (Yes, Even Your Eyebrows)
Turns out, we carry a lot of tension in our faces—probably from years of pretending to understand tax forms or trying not to say something weird in social situations. So the first step is to consciously relax everything: your forehead, your jaw, even your tongue. If you look like you just got hit with a tranquilizer dart, you’re doing it right.
Step 2: Drop Your Shoulders Like You Just Quit Your Job
Next, let your shoulders fall as low as possible. Unclench. Pretend you don’t have responsibilities. Then, work your way down your arms, letting them go limp like you’ve just given up on carrying all the groceries in one trip.
Step 3: Exhale and Sink Into the Bed
Take a deep breath in, then exhale slowly and let your chest relax completely. I assume this is where your body starts realizing that maybe it doesn’t need to stay awake just to remember that embarrassing email you sent last week.
Step 4: Relax Your Legs Like a Cat That’s Given Up on Life
Start with your thighs and move down to your toes, letting each muscle go completely limp. At this point, you should be as relaxed as a cat sprawled out in the sun, contemplating absolutely nothing.
Step 5: Shut Down Your Brain (Easier Said Than Done)
Now that your body is allegedly relaxed, the real challenge begins: turning off your brain. For 10 seconds, try to think about nothing. (Cue laughter.) If that’s impossible, try one of these techniques:
Picture a calming scene, like floating on a quiet lake or napping in a cozy dark room.
Repeat a simple phrase, like “don’t think, don’t think,” which feels ironic but apparently works.
Focus on your breathing, because if monks can do it, maybe we can too.
So, Does It Work?
According to the book Relax and Win: Championship Performance, this method is foolproof if you practice it consistently for six weeks. Supposedly, 96% of people who use it can fall asleep in under two minutes—even in war zones. So if it works for exhausted soldiers surrounded by chaos, there’s a chance it might work for me, even with my brain constantly reminding me of dumb things I said in high school.
Final Thoughts
I’ll admit, I’m skeptical. But if this method can actually help me escape my late-night doom-scrolling and overthinking habits, I’m willing to try it. Worst case? I just end up lying there with a relaxed face, pretending to be asleep, which is still better than staring at the ceiling.
Would you try this? Or are we all doomed to be night owls forever? Let me know! 🌙😴